I heard somewhere that a lot of what we dream is preparation for events we feel or know are coming our way. We process through the event in multiple different ways with multiple different outcomes so that we “process” our reaction/emotions to the event. I don’t know if its just a learning process about ourselves or if it actually allows us to work through a reaction that we don’t really like in order to possibly change our response. I think I do this to an extent. However, it has been my experience that the “dream events” always turn out to be much more emotional/over the top/dramatic than when I get around to the “real event”. Maybe that is the point, our brain is preparing us subconsciously so the event goes more smoothly than if we weren’t prepared.
Its also interesting to me the amount of preparation for things that we do compared to the length of the event. We prepare for trips by packing the things we want to take, but some of us pack far ahead of time and some of us wait until the day we are leaving. Whenever we do find time to do it, we probably spend the same amount of time/effort thinking about what we need, what we want, what we don’t have to take. We put a ton of effort into preparing for important holidays or celebrations that last only one day or one hour.
It seems to me that we need the time to prepare. We need the chance to process the “what could happens” or we need that anticipation and buildup. We don’t seem to do very well when the unexpected happens or when life takes a turn that seemed to be far in the future. I think God knows that about us. We are created to be planners and have imaginations for a reason. Some of us get to grow up in a safe home environment where we get to prepare for 18ish years for life on our own. We get ~40 weeks to prepare for the birth of a child (plus some people have the time before that to decide if they are ready to try). We get 18ish years to prepare for that child leaving us to make their own way in the world. In most cases, we get to say good bye to our loved ones when the end is near.
Now that the holiday season is over, I’ve been spending some time preparing for our next foster child. I’ve gotten most of the Christmas stuff put away. I’ve got their room set up the way I think will help them feel like its “their space” and they will be comfortable. I’ve got a desk for them to do homework. I ran around like Taz on Looney Toons yesterday purging old toys and finding homes for all of my children’s new toys. With some hectic rearranging and a couple boxes for the attic, my living room has been reclaimed and we might just have some room for the new kid to bring some of their stuff. I think I’m ready, but I’m not done. Now I get to wait. I get to imagine what he or she will be like. I get to process through some of the new experiences we will be having with a new case worker, and a new bio family, and an elementary school with teachers and peers. I get to prepare for what an older child might teach my 3 yr old, good and bad. I get to wonder what their name will be and what they will like to eat. I get to wonder what life events we will get to be a part of. A first adult tooth? A first heart break? I suppose some people call this “nesting”.
My next task is to let God do the rest of the work, the rest of the planning for a perfect plan. It is hard to admit, but if I don’t make this decision purposely I will start to worry. I will wait patiently. Let him bring the right child to our home, let him guide us as we navigate new waters. Let him pave the way through the bureacracy and process so we can get the right services and care. Let him strengthen us to stand for our convictions and for what is right amidst a system that is geared toward saving tax dollars at the cost of affecting children’s and their parent’s lives. I am at peace knowing that we are doing work he has set aside for us. That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it does mean it will be blessed.
James 1:27a: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress