. . . and Miscarriage 8 years Later
As far as an update, for the most part we have worked through our grief (or depression according to Nate) and our daily lives are not overshadowed or difficult to get through. There seems to be something special about a year. I don’t know, maybe it’s all in our heads, but the seasons changing or the length of time is just right, or just getting past that first anniversary makes it final and real and so long ago. There are still triggers and the topic is still a bit raw when it comes up. I imagine the triggers will always be there, hopefully the rawness will lessen more over time. A friend of mine had babies fairly close to the due dates of our last two losses, so I sometimes see her updates and imagine our children being those ages. Hearing of people (especially those I know) losing babies will always be difficult for us.
I’m writing this post because in a variety of ways and situations, miscarriage and child loss has been coming up a lot lately. I think the point of all this is that God’s telling me it’s time to make something good out of my experiences. This isn’t really something I want to do (or even know how to do), but I think God wants me to step out of my box a little in order to offer solace to others who have been through this same loss. It’s not that I have any answers, there isn’t a ten step program that I can formulate for them. Each of my losses has been different; different in the season of life they happened in, the way they happened, the way I reacted and recovered. But sitting on this side of it, I think I can offer hope. I won’t be able to do it dry-eyed, but I can tell them they are going to make it if they want to. It won’t be easy, but each day will come whether we want it to or not, and little by little we’ll be able to enjoy life again. I can tell them how important their church family and friends are, and to be willing to accept the help and love that people offer, because most people don’t know what to do or how to help. I can cry with them, pray with them, and listen to them.
I’ve always used our site to reach out to people, so if anyone comes across this post that just needs someone to listen, feel free to contact me. If you don’t know my story, you can read it here. My friends know my story and I hope you feel like you can share it with other’s you come in contact with too. Since God has put this on my heart, I have no doubt that he will put people in my path who need to hear what I have to say.
I don’t always read your posts, but this one needed to be read (I haven’t read the full story, though; maybe later). I didn’t know y’all had gone through this, but my heart goes out to you. We’ve been blessed so far to not have this experience, but I have several friends who have been struggling with miscarriage and loss of children. I only see from a distance the pain these families are suffering. As I’ve been praying for them, I will pray for you, too.
If the family has included you in their losses, please feel free to ask them how they are doing (and don’t take a ‘just fine’ for an answer) and how you can pray specifically for them. Many people try to tiptoe around the topic and those who experienced the loss feel very alone. If you just know of the circumstance, you may not want to get that involved. 😉 I swing dramatically between wanting the whole world to know and wanting no one to know. But I do appreciate when people check on me.
Thanks for the insight! One woman posted her story on her blog (http://nellyshelptips.blogspot.com, if you are interested), and it has increased my awareness the most. I’ve talked to her since then, and now we are praying for each other as we are each trying to conceive again. I’ll try to remember to check in on you now every once in a while!
Becca,
You have been at the fore front of thoughts throughout our loss of Lily. I can’t say I ever understood fully until now. I am encouraged by your call to help minister to other women and men who silently suffer with the grief of their loss. I too feel called to share my testimony and to reach out to others. May God Bless your efforts and may the women and men that will be blessed by Nate and your story! Love you and miss you guys! Jenn
Just coming up on the 12th anniversary of our lost baby. Whew. Time does march on. I regret not marking that date with some kind of memorial. This year we are planting a tree. July 18, 2002. Praying for you! Loving from afar and enjoying seeing your blond beauties grow. Hugs.
A tree is a good idea. 🙂
Julie M thank you for sharing, praying for you always and thanking you for finding a way, even with a little prodding from above, to help others!